stephen colbert i am america and so can you

I shouted it into a tape recorder over the Columbus Day weekend, then handed it to my agent and said, “Sell this.” He’s the one who turned it into a book. Now, you might ask yourself, if by yourself you mean me, “Stephen, if you don’t like books, why did you write one?” You just asked yourself a trick question. I’VE EVER WRITTEN, AND I HOPE IT’S THE FIRST BOOK YOU’VE EVER READ. Many American I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK How Flags can you find in this paragraph? SCIENCE Thanks for the Nukes, Now Go Away 191Ī NOTE TO THE FUTURE Instructions on How to Defrost My Head 209ĪPPENDIX The White House Correspondents’ Dinner 218ĪRE, IF YOU’RE READING THIS, YOU AND I SHARE A HEALTHY SKEPTICISM ABOUT THE PRINTED WORD. IMMIGRANTS No Way, Jose 181 CHAPTER FOURTEEN RACE Fact or Fiction? 171 CHAPTER THIRTEEN THE MEDIA Stop the Presses! Forever! 151 CHAPTER ELEVENĬLASS WAR Let Them Buy Cake for a Change 161 C H A P T E R T W E LV E HOMOSEXUALS Do Not Read By Glowstick Light 107 CHAPTER EIGHT SEX & DATING 1001 Abstinence Positions 87 CHAPTER SEVEN SPORTS When It’s Okay to Shower With Men 71 CHAPTER SIX RELIGION Accepting Jesus As My Personal Editor 45 OLD PEOPLE Your Glasses Are on Top of Your Head 21 CHAPTER THREEĪNIMALS Marking My Territory 31 CHAPTER FOUR

THE FAMILY So Help Me God, I Will Turn This Book Around Right Here 5 CHAPTER TWO

The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of HachetteĬ O NT E NTS INTRODUCTION Featuring Hello and Other Thoughts ix Grand Central Publishing Hachette Book Group USA 237 Park Avenue New York, NY 10017Visit our Web site at Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group USA, Inc. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Michael Brumm, Eric Drydale, Rob Dubbin, Glenn Eichler, Peter Grosz, Peter Gwinn, Jay Katsir, Laura Krafft, Frank Lesser, Tom Purcell PRODUCED BYĪndro Buneta, Jake Chessum, Alex Cooley, Kris LongĬ opy right ©2007 by Spartina Productions, Inc. Stephen Colbert Richard Dahm Paul Dinello Allison Silverman WRITERS I(AND AMSOAMERICA CAN YOU!) WRITTEN AND EDITED BY

Stephen colbert i am america and so can you